A Meat Lover's Worst Nightmare: THE VEGAN DETOX

Those of you that know me well are probably asking yourselves what in the world has gotten into me. For those of you who don’t know me, let me give you a small intro…I LOVE MEAT. I bear no resemblance to the vegetarian cliché. I consider animals and all their by-products an integral part of my life; and though I wish I could survive on quinoa and spinach, I simply can’t. And believe me, all of you who have to deal with me on a daily basis are all the better because of my animal-eating ways. I wear Tom’s because they’re comfortable, not because of they’re eco-friendly, humanitarian cause. I shop at Whole Foods and at Costco. I use foul language on an hourly basis and am too lazy to protest for absolutely any cause (not proud, but it’s the truth). Furthermore, I hate yoga. Instead I prefer to go to a warehouse to climb 15-foot ropes, flip over tires and lift heavy shit. It makes me feel like a bad ass and instills the fear of god in my husband.

Having said all that, I am also the first to acknowledge that eating half a cow every night is probably not the best thing for my 5-foot 2-inch frame. Not to mention that after having labored a small human my body isn’t quite what it used to be. So, when my MOTHER suggested I do a three-day vegetarian cleanse I was left with no option but to set aside my butcher’s block and whip out my herb mister.

For those of you lettuce with a side of oxygen eating friends of mine, this cleanse should be a walk in the park. For those of you whose idea of a romantic date is a visit to a Brazilian rodizio joint, just know you’re not alone in your misery. I keep telling myself that I was able to quit drinking for over a year…anything is possible bitches!

3-Day Vegan Detox:

DAY 1:

Breakfast Shake:

Kale +  Celery + Pineapple + Ginger + Prasley +  Chia or Hemps sedes

10am Snack:

Pineapple w/ cayenne pepper or red pepper flakes

Lunch:

Spinach soup w/ small green salad (lettuce, cucumber, parsley, lime)

3-4pm Snack:

Carrots w/ lime OR 15 raw almonds

Butternut Squash soup w/ Wok style veggies (mushrooms, carrots, celery & sprouts)

DAY 2:

Breakfast Shake:

Kale +  Celery + Pineapple + Ginger + Prasley +  Chia or Hemps sedes

10am Snack:

Pineapple w/ cayenne pepper or red pepper flakes

Lunch:

Carrot soup w/ beet salad (beets, carrots, cilantro, lime & vinegar)

3-4pm Snack:

Carrots w/ lime OR 15 raw almonds

Zucchini soup w/ sauteed spinach, red onions and celery

DAY 3:

Breakfast Shake:

Kale +  Celery + Pineapple + Ginger + Prasley +  Chia or Hemps sedes

10am Snack:

Pineapple w/ cayenne pepper or red pepper flakes

Lunch:

Broccoli soup w/ small green salad (lettuce, tomatoes, avocado, red onions & parsley)

3-4pm Snack:

Carrots w/ lime OR 15 raw almonds

Mixed Veggie soup w/ Wok style veggies (mushrooms, onions & sprouts)

***DO NOT CONSUME CAFFEINE*** (yes, you read it here...no coffee!) 

Basic Recipe for Carrot & Butternut Squash Soups:

Yields 4 servings

• 1 tbsp. Olive Oil
• 1 large white onion, diced
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 12 carrots / 1 small butternut squash, chopped
• 2-4 cups vegetable broth
• 2 tbsps. fresh ginger, grated
• 1 tsp. curry powder
• Sea salt to taste
• Cayenne pepper to taste

Saute onions and garlic in olive oil until tender. Add carrots and saute for approx. 3 minutes. Add broth, ginger, curry, salt and cayenne pepper.

Bring to a boil. Once boiling reduce to low heat and allow to simmer for approx. 20 minutes. Blend until smooth and serve.

Basic Recipe for Zucchini, Spinach & Broccoli Soups:

Yields 4 servings

• 1 tbsp. Olive oil
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 small or ½ medium red onion; diced
• 5 celery sticks, chopped
• 3 medium zucchinis / 1 head of broccoli / 1 pack of baby spinach
• ½ tbsp. chives; chopped
•  salt to taste

Saute onion, garlic and celery in olive oil until tender. Slice zucchini in half and roughly chop into half-moon shaped pieces. Add to pan and cook thoroughly. Salt to taste. Cooking time varies depending on the thickness of the veggies, but it usually takes about 15 – 18 minutes.

Once cooked allow to cool slightly. Add cooled ingredients to blender. Add chives and blend with vegetable broth to reach desired consistency.

My first day is tomorrow…wish me luck!

Stay away from me for the next three days!