I
have always been one of those cynical bastards that mercilessly criticized
parents and their over-the-top strollers. I would laugh and snicker as the poor
souls stood by their cars tugging and pushing at the contraption every which
way. I remember driving by a house in the neighborhood I used to live only to
witness a couple yelling at each other as they pointed at an empty stroller;
they were obviously not arguing over the absent baby, so I’m led to believe
they were arguing over how to put the damned thing away. Why not buy something
that is simple to operate? Little did I know…
Looks can be deceiving...
Daddy, Tills & the stroller.
It was
August 14, 2012; Tilly had her second pediatrician appointment at 10:50 am, and
this mama had been up since 5:00 am running through the endless motions of
getting myself and the baby ready to leave the house. We were ready to hit the
road by 9:45 am. I was in the clear! I strapped Tilly into her car seat,
removed it from the stroller base in which it was nestled and carried her over
to the car. I was beamingly proud of myself. The car was packed with half the
contents of the house, the stroller was in the trunk and even my mom was ready
to go. We were sure to make it on time,
call me Super Mom. When I went to put the car seat in the base in a final
victorious gesture it wouldn’t click into place. How strange, I thought. I tried
again, and then again...nothing.
Fast
forward twenty minutes and I’m sweating my post-partum ass off, cursing the
idiots responsible for manufacturing all Peg-Perego products. What had began as
a triumphant morning quickly turned into an epic fail. My mother and I wrestled
with the wretched contrivance trying to get it to fit into place. I cursed
the day I had decided to ignore the countless words of advice that suggested I
get comfortable using my car seat before embarking on day trips with my child. I
should add that all the while my baby was bobbing up and down in the thing,
sound asleep. After thirty unsuccessful minutes of car seat warfare, I
frantically called my husband. The conversation unfolded, a bit like this:
Hubs: Hi mi amor…
Me: I’m f-ing late. It’s so f-ing hot I
can’t breathe. I can’t f-ing believe this damn thing doesn’t work. We broke it.
(Translation: I was not only frustrated with our faulty baby
carrier, but also with the fact that we live in a townhouse with no garage, so this
most unpleasant of endeavors had to be endured under the scorching Miami sun.
This summer has been absurdly hot, and my pregnancy and post-baby weight seemed
only to aggravate the record-high temperatures. I wanted to rip the very
clothes off my body.)
Hubs: What are you talking about?
Me: The car seat isn’t working and I’m
late. cue tears (all respectable
first time baby meltdowns involve an uncontrollable on-surge of tears)
Hubs: What do you mean?
Me: What do you mean, what do I mean?
It isn’t working, I’m super late and it’s so hot and I can’t deal with this,
and I’m going to die. (all baby breakdowns also involve a proclamation of
death)
Hubs: Baby, I can’t help you if you
don’t explain things to me, I’m on my way. Caro bawling in the background,
baby still sleeping in car seat, mother watching in disbelief
This is
what it had come down to. A sweaty, overweight mommy bawling her eyes out while
the car seat sat lopsided on its base, meanwhile my husband proceeded to leave
a job site in Fort Lauderdale, a good forty minutes away to come decipher what
was going. Yes, I married a saint. Amidst my tears I decided to go find the car
seat manual, when suddenly I had a moment of clarity…why was the car seat
lopsided? Upon further speculation, I realized I had left the stroller adapters
attached to it. I ran back outside, removed the stroller adapters and CLICK! With the car seat finally in
place we were ready to go, 40 minutes late. My husband did not appreciate the call
that followed letting him know everything was ok…
I guess the
moral of the story is that while most strollers, car seats, and other infant
transportation devices seem like they are pretty self-explanatory and easy to
use, the f-ing things are in actuality a nightmare. They are meant to be so
idiot proof that they are in fact incredibly complicated. I consider myself an
intelligent and competent adult and yet I find myself rendered completely
helpless when staring down a stroller, car seat…and let me not get started on
the baby swing. Unless you know exactly which button to push, lever to pull, or
strap to clip you will NEVER decipher how to efficiently use these objects. I
will also add that I’m not the only one this has happened to. On our way back
from the park one day my husband (the engineer for god’s sake!) spent an hour
outside trying to remove the bassinet from the stroller base. It wasn’t until I
realized he hadn’t come inside that I went back out, pulled a lever and
relieved him of his misery.
A word to
the wise: don’t throw away instruction manuals you WILL need them!
Still asleep after all the fuss...
My baby girl on our way to the pedi.
lol
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